What am I Doing With My Life?

Ah the question I pose to myself every. single. day. And the question that ultimately motivated me to start this blog.

After graduating college, I’ve had to move back in with my dad to afford to live and pay my student loans. I’ve been hunting for journalism work ever since graduating, using every tool in my tool box - contacts I’ve made through previous internships and jobs, alumni connections, applying to just internships and fellowships, but nothing has payed off.

I’ve been back in my hometown for almost a year now and it’s like a personal hell, as I’m sure most college graduates can understand. The job market is brutal, most people don’t even get back to you. Working as a server to pay off my student loans is exhausting. Sharing a home with your parent in your mid-twenties when you want to live on your own schedule and have your own level of privacy is degrading. At the end of it all, I’m left feeling unmotivated, uninspired and disheartened.

Sidenote: Let me just say - with the state of the world right now - I battle with the idea every day that I could be going through so much worse. So please take this for what it is, a young girl complaining about her ability to find work and doing anything to keep herself inspired. I’m lucky to be where I am compared to so many in the world right now. ‍ ‍

But, recently, it all hit me. Maybe my seasonal depression finally wore off with a few recent tastes of vitamin D, or maybe I just finally came to a breaking point, but after binge eating and putting off a weeks worth of freelance writing work, I realized I haven’t been doing enough. I’m loosing my passion for a career I love because I’m letting life kick my ass. I felt like I kept speaking negativity into my life, allowing it in. But no longer. In just these past two weeks I’ve committed to making positive change in my life so I can be the best version of me for me, and a huge part of that is writing.

I’ve always loved to write, I’ve always dreamed of being a journalist ever since I was little. Now, that dream has definitely evolved - no more wishing of writing front page columns for The New York Times, but now I dream of editing and magazines like Bon Appétit, National Geographic or Interview. However, nowadays with the reality I’m faced with I’ve started to dream smaller - maybe Texas Monthly or Boston Magazine, or even a local newspaper - but that just doesn’t seem right. Those options are totally fine, I’ll start anywhere of course, but dreaming smaller. I’ve never been small with my dreams, I’ve always dreamed big - always, and I won’t stop now just because life has turned all of my plans upside down and American journalism has gone to shit. If I have to go about this a different way and make a name for myself in my own way I most certainly will, and that’s how I’ve stumbled around to finally starting a blog.

I never considered starting a blog or social media page for my writing because I never thought it would be worth it. I never thought people would care to hear my thoughts, and I definitely still feel that way to a certain extent. But, again that’s speaking negativity into my life and counting myself out before I’ve even tried, so here I am. I realized that if I’m really passionate about what I do than I will find anyway to do it, and this is that. So, that’s my introduction of sorts. I hope many people facing the tough job market like I am right now can find this relatable and inspiring. Don’t give up on the dream you’re chasing, don’t settle. Chase your dream in every way you know how.

I hope to see you for the next blog post! :))